Village Relationships

The Village Social System

Village life was built squarely on a consensus of the majority, which became an unconscious process for people born into the Chinese social contract. The greatest value is that of the family, agreement, and the will of the collective. Members were trained from infancy for social harmony through learning to recognize and call people by their family titles, through learning to share, and through engaging in communal eating and work activities, all expressions that formed the heart of village life.

Communal Living

Multiple wives and concubines served to make the culture more mixed in its definition of family, since the home often did not carry the same 1+1 dynamic as in the West, but carried a “Gate” (门) ideal that conceived as family as a hierarchy of relatives under one roof. This, mixed with the common practice of multiple generations living together as extended family, tended to blur the distinction between brothers by different mothers and cousins of different generations. This is perhaps the reason why the Chinese never attempted to differentiate the nuclear family and the village, and why they were ruled as one unit.

The most characteristic features of Chinese society sprang from architecture designed to hold these societies of extended family, and making room for the possibilities of sons and an inheritance undivided by mutual living agreements. Chinese psychological complexity can also be attributed to the culture’s evolution to accommodate for the incredible amounts of stress and competition in the home. The Chinese desire for nooks and crannies, and blocking direct lines of sight in their architecture also comes from this living situation, which made privacy a great commodity.

Calling Relational Names

The importance of the name in Chinese culture is not the “meaning”, as in many other cultures, but in the “relationship”. Ancient manuals on manners stress, “It is the duty of children to call their elders respectfully when they become aware of their elder’s presence.”[1]

Because the Confucian system placed emphases on calling relational names, and not personal names, and because of the fear that spirits would become jealous of children with beautiful names, the Chinese seldom use personal names for the children. Many farmers called their children by numbers, animals[2], or nicknames for most of their lives. Girls were called “sister” or “daughter”, plus a last name. Boys with educational aspirations were given a proper name at their graduation, and this established his place in history. Relational names are the basis on which children learn to talk. This pattern of calling people by their designated title is reinforced through life, and is thought of as a primary definition of manners. This is one of the only activities through which Chinese children can find praise, and therefore this process of acknowledging authority and calling elders by familial names gives a rewarding feeling of appreciation. Calling familial names is one of the traditional ways to show affection without violating moral codes, and is therefore an important aspect of marital culture. Appeals are often made to the sensibilities of those in authorities through the use of names: “Gege” is an appeal for protection, whereas “Yeye” is a term of affection and respect to the aged. “Saozi” or “Dimei” is a non-threatening way to address a woman as a man, implying impossibility of a sexual relationship; whereas “Meimei” implies an offer of protection to a woman from an older man. The only name that is not used in this way is “Ba” and “Ma” (Father and Mother), these names being reserved for their important purposes of filial piety.

Communal eating

Children do not receive food independently for most of their young life, but are “fed” (in some places mouth to mouth) until they are four or five. Chopstick culture reinforces this, which makes it difficult for children to feed themselves because they lack the necessary dexterity. Children are taught never to eat by themselves, and learn an extensive social doctrine of food, which accompanies Chinese through life and invests this activity with a deep social meaning. Chinese believe there is great binding meaning to eating together, and the importance of food in general to the wellbeing of those with whom you associate is constantly reinforced.

Collective Conscience – The Standard of Right and Wrong for the Chinese

The Chinese develop a moral sensibility that is essentially opposite of the Western idea of “Doing Right No Matter What”, “Going Against the Flow”, or “The Right Thing” – This is because the only “praised” activity is doing that which makes others feel comfortable. Because it is based on what other people think, since the maintenance of social relationships – the calling of proper names – is the way in which one estimates their own worth. It is understood that what is “right” in one group is “wrong” in another group, hence the oft-repeated adage among Chinese villagers, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do!” (入乡随俗)

Punishment for bad behavior is also relative to the social situation – Wrong is not punishable if not provable, and not provable if no one in the group will admit it – Therefore, you have the phenomenon of the entire Chinese population ignoring and denying obvious social and political problems – This not only gives face, but is thought of as “Loyalty” underlining a state of “Unity”. Primary reason given to children to behave is fear of what other people might think (Common phrase to overhear mothers tell their children, “你不听话，人家会说你的!”). This moral system then is primarily focused on keeping up appearances.

Face as “Swarm Theory”

Face is a communication style that requires continual feedback. It literally takes its name from the fact that the Chinese monitor each others reactions with the delicate finesse of a Chinese country doctor taking a pulse – they are magnificent at reading other’s faces, and are acutely aware of the delicate emotions that cross people’s faces, steering towards positive responses and away from negative reactions in the way a skilled captain guides his ship over shoals. Face equations maintain a status quo, are oriented towards the collective, age and family hierarchy, and maintaining unity – this in a culture where human capital is more abundant than natural resources, and therefore, people are courted with greater intensity the higher their influence and require more upkeep to feel valued.

This creates a system in which most of ones time and energies are spent trying to maintain social connections and designing ways in which to make people happy. Between this social habit and the eating culture, there is little time left for anything else, therefore Chinese culture struggles with creating an environment for thought, innovation, and personal family. These are directly reflected in contemporary Chinese society, as the people get pulled further into social obligations without the counter-balance of subsistence farming. Giving and taking face as a process of keeping balance and maintaining family-centered relationships. The “group-think”, or the “wisdom of the swarm”, is trusted from everything from religion to food choices at a restaurant.

 The Wine Clause for Building Relationships

Once children have learned the social meaning of eating, they are gradually introduced to the deeply meaningful area of social drinking. Just as the rituals were built for the literati to pursue enlightenment, so were their eating and drinking rituals to pursue the goals of the village – unity through intentionally breaking down the individual ego.

Because Chinese people only recognized the village, there was no way to get things done outside of the village without something to stand for its system of togetherness and interdependent reliance, so the wine ritual became that bridge. The prime example of this principle at work in the Chinese culture is in the “Romance of the Three Kingdoms”, where the “Three Friends become Brothers in the Peach Garden” in the opening scene. Drinking was a way to tear down individuality, “make people closer”, and is considered to this day to be a ritual that gives face and establishes hierarchy. This serves the purpose of social survival and has been reinforced as the major social ritual of the village system, building trust, status, and security in its practice. For many, without this ritual, there is no such thing as “Guanxi” (relationships) outside of the kinship of the local village.

False Kinship and Blood Brotherhoods

Once a drinking ritual has successfully developed the relationship between individuals of non-kin groups, the next step is to determine a family name to call the new “friend”. Because everything is equated to family relationships, it must be based on age or respect, which results in every man constantly updating a running list of “Gege” and “Didi” brothers to which he “owes a kindness”. This process established the relationship, and became the basis of future “Guanxi” (put-together system) that the members of the relationship would share, preferably, for the rest of their lives.

The Generational Plan

In a tightly patriarchic system, family plans pass through the village as a sense of identity, and allow families to increase their holdings over long periods of time. The greatest assets were people, and relationships were of the essence. To fail seriously in a family endeavor and invoke Imperial wrath was to “destroy nine generations” (灭九祖). People in this system were therefore extremely conscious of their generational responsibilities. This makes the Chinese the wealthy minority of the countries where they live in Diaspora. Because of the Chinese communities focus on the values of reproduction, work, and singular focus, the village system has produced cultural success wherever it is found – Modern examples of Indonesia, Philippines, Malaysia, Australia, Canada, and the United States (Fresno is a perfect example of a Chinese community maintaining their distinctives and focus for five generations). While these Chinese are often urbanized, they still keep their village ideals, and are formidable networks of businessmen, educators, and mobsters the world over. Indonesia and Malaysia actively controls their Chinese population, while Asian foreign affairs is heavily manipulated by the “Hua Qiao” (Overseas Chinese) in the United States and Canada.

Status in the Village

• Buying things and treating others is a way to get face. Sharing is a Village virtue that acts as a place marker in the society
• 懂分享
• 大家一起 （自己人）
• 懂义气
• 可靠的弟兄
• 大方，不小气
• Fear of standing up for personal rights, lest it be interpreted as selfish
• Status granted to individuals that contribute the most to the community. This results in voluntary rituals of impoverishment and sharing that go well beyond the ability of any other culture to match
• Sharing for show and affirmation from the community
• This is a desired physical status marker for those who are “successful”
• If one shares with everyone else, that person is universally acknowledged to be a “good person”, and one’s reputation will be good as a result
• If one’s reputation is great, then you have great face, people are willing to work with you, and you can maintain your place in society
• In a society where resources are all taken, you cannot survive if people reject you, making it a physical necessity to bend to the desires of the community and maintain equilibrium with what others want on you
• This position in society is thought of as “face”, not necessarily “pride”, but social standing – a loss of which could endanger a person’s very survival

A Law Beyond Law

 

This tradition continues until today, when the UN thinks that the best organized but least threatening terrorist organizations are the Chinese Triads worldwide. This trend is being exploited by the Chinese government in the establishment of the “Overseas Chinese Department”, which promises opportunity and protection to Chinese of foreign citizenship who offer their expertise, business connections, or resources to the Chinese government. The Chinese government has officially reached out to these groups (starting their meetings with them secretly in 1993), and the only “Non-Communist” minister in the current Chinese administration represents a “Tong” group (known as the Chinese Masons) that holds “Gray Assets” in the United States and Great Britain.

[1] Seen in a little manual from the Qing Dynasty, simply titled “Training Book” (“Meng Shu” 蒙书) by an anonymous author

[2] It is not unusual to meet someone who grew up being called “doggie” or “piggie” today in Jiangsu or Sichuan Provinces, where I have personally observed this practice.